Muffins
by suicidalunicorn97
Summary: Cal accidentally doses himself with LSD, and earns himself a trip to the hospital. Gillian has to take care of him. Trigger Warning for drugs and self harm.


**Hey guys, it's me :) I wanna thank the people who posted reviews on my other fanfic. It really means a lot to me and makes me wanna keep writing. stevieLUVSAlex , stay strong, keep hanging in there. It gets better. I self-harm too, so I know how you feel. That's part of the reason I write fics like this, it helps. I live it through the characters. You should try it, see if it works for you too.**

 **Anyway, this is my second Lie to Me fanfiction. Enjoy! And pleeeaaase leave a review. I wanna know if it's any good, or if I should quit haha.**

 **Trigger warning for self harm**

 _I don't know what's real and what's not_

Cal Lightman dug his fingernails into the palm of his hand, trying to focus on the pain instead of his mother sitting next to him. His mother was dead. There was no way this was real.

 _"Are you going to keep ignoring me, love? After all these years, don't you want to talk?"_ His hallucination asked, sounding hurt. Using all the willpower he had, Cal continued his conversation with the man in front of him, Wayne Dobar. They were interviewing him in the mental institution at the request of this man's daughter, trying to figure out if he was being held against his will.

"I went to your sister's house today, saw your daughter. She misses you, you know"

"Amanda. Amanda." The catatonic man repeated her name, looking up. There was sadness in his unfocused eyes. "She stopped writing."

"She's scared. She misses you. She needs her father," Lightman told him.

"I'm not him, I'm not that man anymore. I can't be who she needs..."

 _"Are you the man that Emily needs?"_ His hallucination was now his father. " _Or are you turning into me.._ "

Gillian Foster knew something was wrong. Shortly after leaving the Dobar household, Cal had started acting strangely. It had been getting progressively worse. He was now biting his lip and clenching his fists. "Cal," she put a hand on his arm. "Let's go." They weren't getting anywhere with Mr. Dobar. She had the feeling Gina, the man's sister, was hiding something. "Let's go back to the lab and see what Loker and Torres have found."

He stood. "Alright. Mr. Dobar," he nodded his head at the man.

On the way out the door, they ran into Gina Dobar, carrying a tin of muffins. "Oh, Miss Dobar! It's good to see you again." Foster smiled at her. The woman didn't return the greeting. She smiled politely and moved on to visit her brother. That woman was definitely hiding something. Back in the car, Foster confronted Dr. Lightman. "What's going on?"

"Well, to sum up; we have an alleged schizophrenic who may or may not actually be insane."

She rolled her eyes. "With you! What's going on with you?"

"Nothing, love. No idea what you mean." He bit his lip again. He was lying, but obviously he didn't want to share what was bothering him. They reached the office, and Torres met them in the hall. "You take care of this, I need to see to something in my office..." Lightman muttered, wandering off. Something wasn't right. Foster would check on him later.

"You were right, Gina Dobar has a lot to gain from Wayne being institutionalized. He was the one to inherit those stables she runs. Millions of dollar's worth of property, and they should belong to him." Torres said. "Did you see anything unusual at the house? Anything that could be used to drug him?"

Foster shook her head. "But it makes sense. His daughter is starting to exhibit the same symptoms, it could be disguised as something edible, Amanda might have eaten it by accident,"

 _Muffins_.

Suddenly it clicked. The muffins in the Dobar's kitchen, intended for Wayne. Gina brought them every time she visited her brother! The man had been eating them for years. The drugs had to be in the muffins. "Torres, you and Loker go to her house, get a sample of the muffins she takes to Wayne."

Torres nodded. "Alright," she said, walking back to the lab to get Loker.

If the muffins were drugged...Cal had eaten three of them back at the Dobar house! That had to be why he was acting so strangely. He must be hallucinating...She rushed to his office, worried.

Lightman sunk into his office chair and put his head in his hands.

 _"what's the matter, love? Didn't you miss me_?" It was his mother again.

" _Of course I miss you, Mum..."_ He responded, against his better judgment. Talking to her only made it seem more real.

 _"Come be with me. I miss you so much..."_ She stroked his face, and he could swear he actually felt her fingers on his

"Can't do that, Mum. I've got another thirty years to go." He said sadly.

 _"It doesn't have to be that way...beat God at his own game, like I did,"_ She giggled. _"I know you've thought about it_ ,"

He turned away from her violently. "How can you say that? What would happen to Emily? Do you have any idea what it did to me when you left us?" He was almost shouting. He needed this to stop. Cal needed a distraction. He reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a beautiful knife he'd gotten from his travels in Africa. Pain helped. Pain was a distraction. Just a little cut, just one...He dragged the blade across the skin of his forearm, hissing at the sting. But the image of his mother flickered. It was working. Again. Deeper this time. And she disappeared. He sighed in relief, but her disembodied voice whispered to him.

" _That's it, love. Come to me."_

He wasn't killing himself. He was just taking away the pain. He was surprised at how right it felt. He put the blade to his skin again. Jerked it down.

"Shit!" His hand slipped, the blade slicing deep into his wrist. Blood started flowing freely.

" _Almost there, son. Come be with me..."_ His mother was at his side again.

"Cal," Foster called out as she knocked on the door to his office. There was no answer. She opened the door and found a pale Cal Lightman gripping his left wrist tightly, blood pouring from beneath his fingers. "Cal!" she exclaimed and rushed to his side. "What happened?" she looked at his bleeding arm and saw two more deep cuts.

"She wants me dead." Cal whispered, his eyes unfocused.

Gillian saw the bloody African blade on his desk. "You did this to yourself?" She swore, "Damn it, Cal!" she ran to his study and grabbed a first aid kit. He was growing increasingly pale and shaky. She taped a gauze pad to the deepest cut, but it quickly bled through. "We need to get you to the hospital." she said quietly.

He could see the fear in her eyes. "No..." he groaned. He tried to stand up, but crumpled to the floor. Gillian caught him and carefully eased his unconcious body to the ground.

"Loker!" She screamed, tears flowing from her eyes. She was so worried about her partner. She couldn't believe this was happening.

Loker rushed in. "Wha-" he stopped mid-word and almost choked. "Holy shit." He breathed. He dropped to the floor beside them.

"Help me carry him to my car. We need to get him to the hospital."

Loker nodded and lifted his unconscious boss into his arms.

"Where's Torres?" Gillain asked as Loker carefully laid Cal in the backseat.

"At Gina Dobar's house."

"Good. Call her and tell her not to eat the goddamn muffins."

Loker looked surprised. "Uh, okay." He pulled out his phone and started dialing as Foster sped up the road to the hospital.

The drive and the emergency room were a blur as Cal drifted in and out of consciousness. He was vaguely aware of Gillian holding his hand as the doctors stitched him up.

He regained full consciousness within the hour and found himself strapped to a bed. "What the..." He started to struggle, but pain shot through his left arm.

"Cal!" suddenly Gillian was at his side. "Hey, calm down. I'm right here."

"Gill...why am I strapped to the bed? You could have just told me if you liked it kinky, love." He joked, trying to hide his panic.

 _"That is no way to speak to a lady! I thought I raised you better than that."_ Damn. His mother was still here.

Gillian rolled her eyes and blushed. "You're here on 48 hour suicide watch."

"Bollocks, I wasn't trying to kill myself," He muttered.

"Unfortunately it really looked that way to the rest of us. You essentially slit your wrist."

"On accident!"

"You were still cutting yourself!"

He sighed. "About that. Is there any chance you could get me some anti-psychotics, love?" He suddenly looked very vulnerable.

"They won't do you any good. You're on LSD."

"Excuse me?" He said, confused.

"Yeah. You ate a hallucinogenic muffin."

It all made sense now. He couldn't believe he hadn't figured it out sooner. "Ah, that explains this whole bloody thing. Poor Mr. Dobar has been on a bad acid trip all these years."

"Yeah. No wonder he was institutionalized." Gillian said. "Drug use is often mistaken for insanity."

"Are you implying I'm crazy, love?"

"Cal, I found you bleeding out from self-inflicted cuts. That's not exactly the picture of sanity." She suddenly reached out and took his hand. "You scared me," she said softly, a tear falling down her cheek.

"I'm sorry, love" He squeezed her hand, wishing he could get out of the restraints and hug her.

/Gillian wiped her tears and forced a laugh. "Loker had to carry you to my car,"

Cal smiled. "Hope I didn't break his back."

"Actually you're really light." Loker's voice drifted from the doorway.

Cal strained his neck to see his young employee flexing his muscles. "Bloody hell, if anyone should be here, it's you. Narcissist." He teased.

" _That's not very nice,"_ his mother chided.

"Relax, mother. I'm only joking; you know that's how I show love."

Gillian and Loker looked at each other. "Your mother? You're hallucinating your mom?" Loker questioned. "On the way here you were saying something about how 'she wanted you dead', your mom wants you dead?" he asked incredulously.

"She wants me to join her. A bit selfish, but I can understand."

Emily. Where was his daughter?

"Emily. Has anyone called her?"

Gillian bit her lip. "No. I thought I would wait until you were conscious so you could talk to her. If she got the call from any of us..."

"Right. She'd worry herself sick. Loker, head to my house. Gill and I will give her a ring and she'll be ready when you get there."

Loker nodded and left the room. "Take care of him, Foster." he called behind him.

"Does no one trust me?" Cal feigned offense.

Gillian dialed Emily's number and held the phone up to Cal's ear. "Gillian?" Emily answered on the second ring.

"Sorry to disappoint; it's me, love."

"Dad? Why do you have Gillian's phone? Are you okay? You sound weird."

"I've um, had a small accident. I'm at the hospital."

He heard his daughter gasp. "Oh my gosh, are you okay? I'm headed there right now." He heard her rustling around for the keys in the background.

"No, Em, just listen to me. Loker is on his way to pick you up right now. I'm fine. I accidentally drugged myself. It's not a big deal."

"How do you accidentally do drugs? And why are you in the hospital? Did you OD?"

Cal hesitated to answer. "Oh my gosh, you OD'd. Do you need a new kidney?" Emily started to panic.

"Love, calm down! I did not overdose! All my internal organs are all right."

"Then what's wrong?"

Cal was silent.

"Ugh, give the phone to Gillian. She'll tell me what's really going on." Emily said, frustrated.

Despite Cal's protests, Gillian put the phone to her own head. "Hey Emily."

"He gave up the phone that easily?"

Cal could still hear her. "Don't tell her anything!"

Gillian rolled her eyes. "She's going to find out anyway."

"Find out what?" Emily's voice was rising into panic again.

"He's okay, honey. Really. He's gonna be just fine." Gillian comforted the distraught teenager.

"Then what aren't you telling me?" Emily asked desperately.

"Your father is in the psych ward strapped to a bed. He...injured his arm while he was hallucinating"

"Oh my gosh...but why is he in the psych ward? They don't put you there unless you do something to yourself on purpose. If he's just hallucinating because of the LSD, they can't keep him there."

br /br /"He injured himself on purpose, Emily." Gillian had been hoping to avoid that little fact.

There was a moment of silence. "Was he...he wasn't trying to... you know...was he?"

"No, he wasn't trying to kill himself, sweetie."

"Thank God, I just...suicide runs in our family and I thought..." The girl drew a shuddering breath.

"Let me talk to her." Cal said quietly. Gillian moved the phone closer to him.

"Emily, love, listen to me. I would never leave you on purpose. Never. I love you. I want to be there for your wedding, for the birth of my grandchildren. I'm not giving up on this life, no matter how hard it gets."

"Thanks Dad." Emily sniffled. "Oh, Loker is is here. I can see him pulling up. I'll see you soon. I love you!"

"Love you too"

The phone call ended. Gillian and Cal sat in silence for a few moments. "Why'd you do it, Mum?" Cal's voice broke Gillian's heart as he stared into the air next to her.

She reached for his hand once again and gently touched his face. "I'm sorry," she said quietly.

Cal turned his gaze to his partner. "Thanks, love. Oi, is there any chance we can get these things off me?" he gestured to the restraints. "I'd rather my daughter not see me like this."

"I'll see what I can do," Gillian understood.

Twenty minutes later they had been moved out of the psych ward and into a normal hospital room. The doctor had done this on one condition; that Cal be under constant supervision. Gillian was glad for the excuse to be near him. Her partner could be insufferable at times, but she truly cared for him. More than that, she loved him.

She snapped herself out of the unwanted thoughts as she remembered to text Loker their new hospital room number.

Minutes later, Emily and Loker walked through the door. Emily stood hesitantly at the entrance before running into her father's arms. "Daddy," she sobbed into his shoulder.

It had been years since she'd called him that. He could tell how upset she was. "Shh, it's alright, love. I'm okay, really! Fit as a fiddle."

She pulled back and eyed the bandages on his left arm. "It doesn't look like it..." She sat on the edge of his hospital bed.

"Aw, those are nothing, love. No permanent damage. Other than scars, and you and I both know how much the ladies love a good scar," he winked at Gillian and was pleasantly surprised when a faint blush crept into her cheeks and she averted her gaze.

Emily swatted him. "You are impossible." she giggled.

"I see you're feeling better, Dr. Lightman," Cal's doctor had entered the room.

"Much. When can I go home?"

"You're still on a 48 hour suicide watch..." the doctor reminded him.

"Bloody hell, how many times do I have to tell you people? I'm not suicidal! I was just...high."

"I'll stay home from school and watch him." Emily volunteered.

"Watch me? I'm not a baby, Em. Besides, you need to go to school."

"I'll go home with him and keep an eye on him while Emily is at school." Gillian suddenly spoke up.

Cal looked over in shock. He was too surprised to even say anything.

The doctor shrugged. "As long as he has constant supervision for the next 48 hours...the drugs should be completely out of his system in less than 12 hours, but after a stunt like this you're lucky we're letting you go at all."

** 14 hours later**

Gillian had been to Cal's home before, but it felt more intimate this time. Maybe because she knew that she would be alone with him in less than 10 minutes.

Emily answered the door. "You could have just come right in, Gill." The teenager smiled. "You're like family, you know."

She did know. And sort of resented that. Gillian didn't want to be like a sister to Cal, she wanted to be much more.

Emily invited her in. "He's been kind of a pain in the ass, but I bet you're used to it. I've taken everything sharp out of his bathroom, just keep an eye on him while he's around the knives in the kitchen. He's not hallucinating anymore, and I trust him. But just in case, you know? Good luck! And call me if you need anything. Seriously." Emily skipped out the door to go to school.

Gillian suddenly felt a little overwhelmed.

Cal walked into the kitchen to find Gillian nervously staring at the knives. "Relax, love. My dead mother is no longer trying to convince me to off myself." he smiled.

She jumped. "You scared me!"

"Why are you so nervous?" He stepped closer until he could feel her breath on his face. He touched her cheek, mimicking how she had comforted him at the hospital.

She looked down at his bandaged arm and sadness was evident in her beautiful eyes. "I don't know, maybe because I'm worried about my best friend?"

Best friend. Ouch, friendzoned again. She had reason to be worried though. Not that he would ever tell her, but just because his hallucinations had stopped didn't mean the urge to hurt himself was gone too. It had been such a rush. A relief from not only the hallucination, but a relief from everything else that was bothering him as well.

"I'm alright, Gillian," he kissed her cheek, and watched in confusion as that adorable blush made another appearance. If she thought of him as nothing more than just a friend, then why was she showing all the signs of attraction?

As he said he was alright, Gillian could see that Cal was lying. He kissed her cheek and she internally cursed her body for the inevitable blushing that followed. Before he could say anything about it, she quickly changed the subject. "Let's go watch a movie," she suggested.

He shrugged. "If that's what you want, love."

They picked out a movie and began watching it. Gillian sat in the couch a few inches away from him, but he scooted closer and put his arm around her, smiling devilishly.

She laughed. "What are you trying to do?"

He looked into her eyes. "Seduce you." He winked to show that he was joking, but his eyes were serious.

Gillian smiled. "You could have just said so," Suddenly she leaned forward until their noses were almost touching.

Cal's heart began to beat faster until he was sure that Gillian could hear it. Was she going to kiss him?

She smiled slyly and dropped her head onto his shoulder. She draped her arm across his chest and put her leg up over his. She was such a tease sometimes!

Normally he would have let it go. But he was feeling really vulnerable for some reason today. "So that's how it's gonna be, love?" he teased. "Come on, and there you had me all excited." He traced her jawline as she looked up at him.

He couldn't control it anymore. He leaned in and gently put his lips on hers. Her eyes widened and she made a small noise, but then she sank into the kiss. A minute later, they pulled apart, breathless.

"Did you just..?" Gillian giggled happily.

"Kiss you? Yes. I'd love to do more than that, but seeing as I'm a gentleman, I'll buy you dinner first."

He hid his emotions behind teasing, but Gillian could tell that he was scared he'd made a mistake. He valued their friendship as much as she did, and probably the main reason they hadn't done this sooner was because neither of them wanted to ruin the close relationship they had.

"I'd like that," she pulled him in for another kiss.

"Gill, are you sure? He murmured into her lips.

She looked into his eyes. "I've never been more sure of anything," She looked down shyly. "I love you, Cal." She admitted.

He lifted her chin. "Darling, I thought you'd never say that...I've loved you for years."

It felt so good to hear him say that! After being in love with her best friend for years, they had finally admitted their feelings for each other. hey shared another passionate kiss. Gillian liked where this was going.

Holding Gillian in his arms was the closest to heaven that Cal had ever felt. He didn't realize how much he needed her. She was his rock. She was everything to him. He knew that there would be rough days ahead, but together they could get through anything.


End file.
